September 22, 2008

I don’t know if you will ever see this and don’t care. When I last saw you and your brother and sister’s I told you I would always be here for you. And no matter what the courts said, once you turned 18 look me up and we will go from there. Yes that was a lot of years ago and you were only 7 at the time and I do not and did not expect you to remember. Did I hoped and pray you would? Everyday until you reached the age of 20. I use to send you and your brother and sister’s birthday cards every year. I did not have an address or even know if you were even in Kansas. But I put your name on it and addressed it in God’s care and put it in a mail box. I stop after your youngest sister turned 18. As it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Did I ever stop think about you or them? NO! Did I ever stop wondering how you were? Not one day and still don’t. But enough of all of that. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday wherever you are and pray you can one day forgive me and look me up. Until then and until I take my last breath here on earth I will continue to love you and wait to hear from you.

I do love you son,



Unconditional Love

September 10, 2008

Unconditional: with no conditions or limitations: complete or guaranteed, with no conditions, limitations, or provisos attached

 Love: very strong affection: an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

 Unconditional love, man, that is something I believe most people never receive in their lives. I am not one of those people. Not only have I experienced it in my life, I have had it shown to me by three different sources.

The first was my Mother. Here was a woman that had several children in her life and worked hard to do what she felt was best for all of them. But my older brothers and sisters would tell you, I was first in her heart. I could do no wrong in her eyes. Did I? Way to many times but she never looked at me as a bad boy when other tried to tell her I was. To be honest, today I would say it would be hard for me to think I was not a bad boy. But my mother saw something others didn’t. She knew deep down I was not a bad person and was a person that had a lot of love to give for others.

Shortly after she died I came to know a God of my understanding. This God showed me His love was even more unconditional than my mother’s. As after coming to know Him I cause more problems for others in my life than before knowing Him. But like my mother, He did not give up on me.

The third source is my current wife. Now I believe my first wife love me very much at one time but because of the hurt I cause her that love died. Over the years I would say “ I don’t think I could ever find another woman that would love me like my ex did for so long and put up with what she put up with.” I was wrong, thank God!

Over the past 21 years I have know my current wife I have done things to hurt her that you would think how could he love her and do this? I myself have wondered the same thing. But like my mother and God, she saw something others did not. That I was a person you could count on and one that would love you no matter what you might do to me.

I am so thankful to have experienced this kind of love and my hope and prayer is that all that might read this would experience the same kind of love in there lives. Sad thing is most don’t and won’t. I myself have known people that stated they loved me with all their heart but when I did something to displease them or hurt them, their love was gone as quickly as the wind blows. And they wrote me off as a bad person that was never to be given another chance. Everyone deserves another chance I believe as we all make mistakes. Don’t just open the door for them to hurt you again, but don’t close it either. As you may have close the door to the one person who would truly be there for you no matter what because of the unconditional love you showed them.





August 19, 2008

Drama – A composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usu. Involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance:

This is how Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines drama.

So what is the point you might ask? The other day I was speaking with someone about the events going on in my life. This person stated “so much drama”. Now this kind of bothered me. I thought what, you have no drama in your life? Like a lot of people I do my best to avoid drama but can it be done completely? I don’t think so. As I was thinking if you had no drama in your life… you have NO LIFE! Life is drama at times the way I look at it.

Now I am not inviting more into my life, no way. But to say you have none in yours I have to think….your life must be very boring.

A boss I had one time use to say drama is what keeps life exciting. No I do not want that kind of excitement either but to completely avoid it means you would have to lock yourself away from the world. And in my mind that would be a sad way to live the short time we have.

Please do not think this is a invite to bring drama into my life, heaven forbid! Just my thoughts on the matter. If you have some I’d love to hear them. You do not have to agree with my thoughts and I am open to yours.

Hey! Don’t take life so serious you will never get out alive!!!!


Still here and kicking, kind of any way.

July 26, 2008

Not a lot going on. Has a few interviews but no firm offers yet. Mostly just putting in apps. and holding on best I can. Some days better than others. Can’t seem to get into yard work like I use too. Hell can’t get into much of anything here lately. Barb has been great, in fact even better than that. One thing is for sure you find out who loves you when you go through bad times. So may be bad times can be a good thing? Doesn’t seem like it at the time but live and learn from it.

The other thing that is going down hill is my plants. Now I try to continue to take care of them but must not being doing a good job as some are looking pretty sick. Doctored them up yesterday and will have to keep a better eye on them as I do like my plants. 

That’s about it on this end. Just thought I would post something. Hopefully will have some good news soon. Hang on to the good times folks, as they say they don’t last. At least not in my life anyway.


July 14, 2008

Just a update for anyone out there that cares. I am still looking for work. I was hoping for a call back last week but didn’t get it on a job I really was hoping to get. Not sure if they hired someone or what as emailed them and got a responses before but not this time. Got some repair work from around town so we are making out, just not knowing where I will end up is a drag.

We did look at a house in Topeka over the weekend that they want to sell really cheap but needs a lot of work. Nothing I can’t handle just not sure we want to take it on. Its in a pretty good neighborhood and Barb has a friend that lives next doors. We didn’t get to see the inside but they are going to try and get a key for us next weekend. Still just taking it one day at a time. About all I can do right now. Am looking forward to living in Topeka and spending more time with our grand-children. Seen some of them over the weekend and they are looking forward to it too.  Hope everyone is doing good and keep us in your prayers as we will you in ours.

Just the way it is.

July 2, 2008

Life is something that has always been hard for me for as long as I can remember. What  most people do naturally comes hard for me. Not sure how I got started down this road but here it is and thats just the way it is. I’ve come to accepted this about myself but it does not make it any easier to deal with at times.  There was a song one time that said, “work your fingers to the bone, what do you get? Boney fingers, boney fingers.”

Not much good to report here as its kind of been a bitch here lately. I really messed things up, again! That is the one thing I have always been good at in life. Don’t think my old job is treating me right but got no one to blame but myself. I know how people are so why did I do what I did? Old habits die hard as they say.

Keep us in your prayers. Looks like we will be moving to Topeka. Not sure when but looks like that is going to happen. I hate it but thats that. Life sure is a bitch sometimes ain’t it? Hardest thing for me is that I caused this to happen, dam!

We all have different seasons in our lives.

June 24, 2008

Looks like this is another chapter in my life. No way is it the final chapter as the story isn’t closes to being over. Looks like I will not be going back to my job. When I call yesterday they were in the process of hiring another person already. Didn’t take them long to replace me which did hurt to be honest. But also I know they will not care about their job like I did. At least the odds are they won’t.

The story does not end there. The home has been looking for a outreach coordinator and I applied for the position yesterday. I called my old boss and appologized for going off on him and he said he appreciated it and I ask if I could apply for the outreach job and he said sure. Now do I have a chance, only God knows. I do know I could do the job and do it well. Only time will tell what will happen.

I also put in for a maintenance position at where my wife works, so am not putting all my eggs in one basket as they say. Am going to check around but am mostly going to take this week off. Haven’t had a vacation since June of last year. I am getting my vacation time from work so God is looking out for me even if I am a bone head at times. I also have made myself available to the new maintenance person should they have questions which I did because I care about the facility.

So keep us in your prayers but in faith I know God has something good in store for us. I will not let this completely destroy all I’ve worked for. Take care and have a good day, I will.

Does Anybody Care?

June 21, 2008

Has that ever come across your mind? Do you ever sit back and think, why am I doing this, does anybody care? Does it even matter what we do in life? I have done a lot of things that have hurt others in my life. Most important were my children and it seems payback in a mother. I have always believed that what goes around comes around but mine question is when do you pay enough? May be because of the things I’ve done in my past out weight anything I could ever do to re-pay for the past with any good I do now. Just seems that way sometimes. May be I shouldn’t be dumping all this here but its on my mind and this is a place to express what’s on your mind, isn’t it?

Last week I went off on my boss and right now am no longer employed there. The stress got more than I could handle anymore and I lost it. Now several of the other department heads are on my side and it’s not a done deal right now, as am talking with some higher ups in the company that know how hard I’ve worked and care about the residents, so we will see how this plays out. Part of me wants my job back as I need it to maintain what I have. But another part is ready to slow down, scale down if you will and just enjoy what time I have left in this world as best as I can. I will continue to be the best person I can, but on the other side I am who I am. I get stressed and can’t handle it and I make bad decisions. Done it all my life and doesn’t look like I will ever change. Not because I don’t want to, it just keeps happening.

Well that’s about it on this end. Not down in the dumps as it may appear, as in faith know God knows how hard I try to do my best and be a good person and in faith know He, or She if you prefer, will look out for me.


June 6, 2008

For the past few weeks work has been hell. One thing after another with my new boss. He has never worked in a nursing home before let alone run one and does not have a clue what he is doing. I been thinking I need to go back to school and get my degree and get my licences to run a nursing home and see if I could. To be honest I believe I could, at least better than the boss I have now.

Well that’s all I got, have a good weekend and keep on doing what you think is best for you and forget the rest!!!!


5k run/walk

June 1, 2008

Yesterday some co-works and I did a 5k run/walk to benefit the Air National Guard 190Th Air Refueling Wing. They are called the Kansas Coyotes. It is to help their family’s and them while they are deployed overseas. When ask if I would like to I said, hell yea! I thought with all the family I have in the services right now it was my small way of helping. Not much I know but I thought it was something. I think all that are serving right now are hero’s and deserve our respect and support. My small way of saying thank you also.

All gave some, some gave all. Very powerful statement don’t you think? God bless all our military men and women and their family’s. I think even the family’s desever our respect and support also because they are hero’s also in my book.